31
"I'm Against Picketing..."
"...but I don't know how to show it."
Comedian Mitch Hedberg is dead at 37.
He was brillant.
Some random quotes:
My lucky number is four billion. That doesn't come in real handy when you're gambling. "Come on, four billion! Fuck. Seven. Not even close. I need more dice."
I don't own a cell phone or a pager. I just hang around everyone I know, all the time. If someone needs to get ahold of me they just say, "Mitch," and I say, "what" and turn my head slightly...
I hope the next time I move I get a real easy phone number. Something like, 222-2222. I would say sweet. People would say, "Mitch, how do I get ahold of you?" I would say, "Press 2 for a while, and when I answer, you will know that you have pressed 2 enough"
I opened up a container of yogurt, and under the lid it said Please Try Again because they were having a contest I was unaware of. But I thought I might have opened the yogurt wrong... or maybe Yoplait was trying to inspire me, 'c'mon, Mitchell, don't give up. Please try again. A message of inspiration from your friends at Yoplait. Fruit on the bottom, hope on top.
An escalator can never break. It can only become stairs. You would never see an "Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order" sign, just "Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience."
My friend said to me, "You know what I like? Mashed potatoes." I was like, "Dude, you have to give me time to guess. If you're going to quiz me you have to insert a pause."
Download Mitch on iTunes.
Posted on 03/31/05 at 3:36 PM | Comments (2)Tagged: Pop Culture
13
You'll Do What To My Mom?
Everybody seems to have an opinion on Warner Bros' Loonatics "extreme" update. This is my favorite. It's like South Park -- but dirtier.
"You wanna know what's up, doc? My cock up your ass!"
Posted on 03/13/05 at 6:21 PM | Comments (2)Tagged: Pop Culture