twenty-something

Last night, restless, I reflected upon who I've shared my bed with over the past few years (and let's be clear -- we are talking strictly sleeping here, not necessarily sex). From 2001 to mid-2006, I only slept with two men -- my two boyfriends this decade. Single for the first time in years, my moves to New York and then Boston yielded some strange bedfellows. In the later half of 2006, there were four: the Actor (after a few months of correspondence, only one night was spent *ahem* "star"-fucking, my first week in Manhattan); the Future Friend (one drunk and sloppy night was spent with the boy from the Phoenix, who has gone on to become a good friend here in Boston); the Rugby Player (two too-drunk and sloppy nights spent with a friend-of-Future Friend's, one of which was so infamously and embarrassingly bad you have to know me well in real life to get the whole scoop); and the Republican (a handful of nights were spent at my Harvard man's apartment, sleep apnea and all). Last year, I found four new men in my bed over night at some point: the Mr. Nice Guy (two nights were spent with my great-on-paper short-term boyfriend, once in his twin -- yes, twin -- bed); the Recovering Alcoholic (too many nights were spent with this one last summer, before *ahem* he went back to his boyfriend); the Doctor (more out of necessity than desire, this one slept it off after a party at my place); and the Hot Flake (I shared a bed twice with the one I really liked but couldn't make it work with). Am I forgetting anybody?

Ten men this decade, eight in the last two years. As a single guy, I'm averaging quarterly sleepovers -- and about two to three nights per man -- and I'm not digging it. Well, that batting average I'm ok with -- I think it's neither too slutty nor too pathetic -- but I think it's the single part that's becoming the issue.

See, I don't want to sleep with everybody. I'd rather it be just one guy. And I don't want to sleep with just anybody. He has to be worth it. I'm done wasting my time and potential, settling for less than I want. I don't want to start something I can't (or won't want to) finish -- you know, in a good way. Relationships have been like writing for me in the last few years, all fits and starts, and I'm over that.

I only want to sleep with one guy in '08 -- I just don't know who he is yet. I'm craving a mundane, monogamous, non-platonic sleeping arrangement with a sexy guy who makes me laugh.

Damn it. I think I want a boyfriend.