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"The Shadows of Millions of Others' Definitions"
It's not often than someone writes such an articulate, thoughtful, and touching (not to mention long) comment on this blog. But the other day, I got a meaty surprise in the dusty comment desert.
So in case you missed it, here's some sage wisdom from the handsome and multi-talented (why did I rank "handsome" before "multi-talented"?) Mark from Absolut Barillius, commenting on this post:
It's like every gay boy dreams to move away from home and make it in the Big City. No, scratch that. It's not just gay boys -- it spans all people, I think, to some extent. But sometimes it just doesn't end up fitting, for whatever reason.Thanks, Mark, for taking the time to be so damn thoughtful. This is a much needed new perspective for this lost country mouse.
I know you don't need or want advice, I am the same in that respect; it just ends up making you feel a bit queasy (if it's the opposite of what your gut tells you) or a bit skeptical (if it's the same). But for what it's worth, I will give my two cents.
I think you're right about New York. I too feel it's a temporary destination. An absolutely fantastic temporary destination, but temporary nonetheless. Ultimately I see you someplace different -- there are so many other cities that aren't as overwhelmingly dense and fabled as New York.
I feel that New York is a place so many people have lived and called their own. It's almost as if, over the years, they've sucked the life out of it -- when I'm there I don't feel myself. Rather, I feel as if I'm trying to live up to someone else's song lyrics or prose or poetry or photographs. You can't even walk down the street without thinking about that. It's a great feeling, for a while, but ultimately you're left with this feeling of defeat. It's just so daunting to tackle the place -- not because of its physical size, but because of the collective power of the stuff that exists about it.
So I say go find another city that's a little less popular. Someplace with some more trees or a mountain or two close by. Maybe the west coast, maybe the south. But ultimately, one you are eventually able to call your very own, rather than having to live in the shadows of millions of others' definitions.
(And way to upstage me on my own damn blog. I keed, I keed.)
I'm smiling, Patrick. I got quoted! How often does that happen? And complimented too! You are too damn kind. Thanks...so much.
And what, you're not handsome? and multi-talented? and thoughtful? I think the traits are shared, if anything.
And very nice new pic, by the way. (Hint, search my archives for 'beard.')
:)
-mark
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You may already know/read this blog...but just in case here's a link that's appropriate to your dilemma
http://joshandjosh.typepad.com/josh_josh_are_rich_and_fa/
Posted by justaguynatl on 08/ 1/06 at 11:57 AM06
Patrick--
I stumbled on your blog today somehow while surfing fraternity hazing images on Google (don't ask, I won't tell.) First, I'd like to say, welcome to New York, bro. You've been here a little over a month? Try to relax into the experience. When I first came here it took me something like six months just to learn how to walk fast enough not to be confused with the tourists. GIve yourself a chance to hit the paces. August in New York can be tough, even without living through the furnace that was last week. Everyone who could help you get a foothold is gone to the Hamptons or Fire Island, leaving the inmates behind to watch the fort. It's hard to believe that the city will spring back to life after Labor Day, when the fall season kicks in and everyone is back. Work is much more plentiful then. If you can hang on until then your perspective might change overnight. Anyway, even if you agree with the guy who wrote to say that NYC could be just a fabulous diversion, a kind of gilded whistle stop to be enjoyed before your train departs again, you owe it to yourself to really be here. It's not easy to do what you've already done--get a place, get work, begin to feel you almost might be or become a citizen of this overwhelming city. It won't be any easier next time you want to try to do the same. So, my unsought advice is to consolidate your gains, dig in and give it some time. If work is a deal breaker, call me. I work in magazine publishing and am looking for a copywriter (job description, basically, someone who can write and is willing to put that talent to the service of Mammon until he can find a gig where he can write for himself.) Hit me back if you're interested in talking, about the job or about the madness required to make a go of it on this god-forsaken lump of lava called Manhattan.
Posted by Christopher on 08/ 6/06 at 4:34 PMPowered by Movable Type 4. Hosted by LivingDot.
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