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Breeder
His name is Gavin. (And if his aunt, Yelli, would like me to, I will remove his picture from this site immediately.)
For the past 36 hours or so, when I wasn't drunk and competitive during a flipcup tourney while wearing a Darth Vader helmet, Gavin has kicked my paternal instinct into overdrive. Not him precisely, but the idea of him, the idea of a kid, having one, me. I hadn't been around a baby like him in a while, hadn't held one or played with one, and I had forgotten how amazingly cool they can be. They cry and they drool and they poop and they are little monsters -- but they are also such incredible creatures...
I had almost forgotten about that part of me which used to sing so loudly. That part that wants to raise and shape another human being. The instinct that make me want to nurture and teach -- and even just pick out baby names. The need to breed. To be a father. To be something better than just a single, selfish person. It's perhaps one of the biggest parts of my heart...
Aw shucks. I'm sure my usual readership is gagging right now on all this smaltz. What can I say? I'm a softie and, despite all my own daddy issues, at the core of me, is that wholesome, cute, and uncreepily intense paternal instinct.
Will I ever be a dad? I'm certainly not getting a girl pregnant accidentally -- so will I adopt? Will I finagle a way to father my own offspring? I don't want some Object of My Affection/The Next Best Thing/Will & Grace version of fatherhood. I want something that works and isn't completely messed up. I'm never giving my sperm to a girl friend for some make-believe, no-strings, gay-guy/straight-girl baby daddy situation. I want to be a real dad -- whatever that means.
Will I make it happen? I think I will. Not today or tomorrow, but someday... if it's right. If I'm ready. I don't want to just be a weird gay uncle. I want to be a great dad to my own kids.
When I grow up and don't binge drink at BBQs, or have a blog on which I post pictures of other people's babies without permission, when I am less 24 and more selfless... then, maybe, I'll start trying to have a kid of my own.
I love the "less 24" remark, but it isn't true. Patrick, you'd make a great Dad now. You know who you are and you are a communicator (your blog is outstanding). I believe both qualities are so important in a Father. Lucky kid is what I say.
Posted by on 06/ 6/05 at 5:26 AM06
Eh, let 'em gag. Allow me to add to the gushy shmaltz. Raising kids is simultaneously the most important and difficult thing that you can do with your life. And by all means, there certainly aren't a lack of kids who need a good dad...or two.Don't scoff too much at your age. there is something to be said for not having a large generational gap. In fact, I'm glad I have mine now when I still have the energy to keep up with them. Regardless of when it happens, we love them just the same, but I couldn't imagine doing this when I'm older. Some days they make me feel like I need a wheelchair at the end of the day.
Posted by Simon on 06/ 6/05 at 8:59 AM06
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I was waiting for Duncan himself to deny allegations of his pregnancy, but since he continues to refuse to take an active role on this blog (even though he's the one that informed me of the comment-imposter), I'll do it.DUNCAN isn't Duncan. And we ain't pregnant.Yet.
Posted by Patrick (crash) on 06/ 6/05 at 7:13 PM07
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Cheers mate! Hopefully you and Duncan knock each other up soon...or at least have fun trying.I think you'd be a great parent. There's no such thing as a perfect parent, so it's all about doing the best you can. I can see you giving it your all.I was talking with my friend Jeff last night, and he was sad that he can never have his boyfriend's baby. I guess we have to wait for cloning advances before we can have offspring with both parents' DNA. *sigh*
Posted by Rick on 06/ 7/05 at 12:48 PMPowered by Movable Type 4. Hosted by LivingDot.
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