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Elsewhere
90s-Something (1995, Part 1)
I've been dreading writing about '95 since I started this series, as it's really the year that I decided, "Hey, my life is boring. Let's pretend I'm on 90210!" Of course, I never said or thought those words -- but in retrospect, the drama starts here, ladies and gentlemen! In this year, I become a borderline psychotically oblivious closet case with an unhealthy obsession with a new kid -- all the while crushing on girls, going to basketball games, and never, ever realizing that I might be slightly abnormal. (Don't worry, ten years later, I'm better now -- or am I?)
And this is just part one! It's a year so crazy it had to be split in two! So enjoy this blended drink of teen angst and 90s nostalgia -- it always goes down smooth.
I begin the second half of my Freshman year of high school obliviously in love with new kid Adam (see '94). After interviewing him for Civics class, I give him the following letter (sadly, this is verbatim) in January:
Over the past few weeks, since the interview, I've been wondering: are we friends, are we classmates, are we acquaintances, or are you just my Civics project?Yes, I actually write and send that to another guy in high school. And to think, I will not realize that there is anything un-heterosexual about my behavior or this relationship until I am 17.Whatever you think of me, the next step in our friendship is up to you. I can understand what its like to be the 'new kid,' I've been through it. I know what it's like to be alone. I want you to know that you don't have to be. The offer of my friendship is always there.
I feel a certain kinship with you, but I also feel a sort of discomfort, because I don't know what you think of me.
In 1995, Hootie & The Blowfish are not the stars of a very annoying Burger King ad, but at the top of the charts and one of my favorite bands. Watch out, Maroon 5 -- you're next!
I take a Drama class and tentatively befriend male cheerleader Jacob, an effeminate boy rumored to be "a fag." We get along famously inside the classroom -- but outside, I avoid his eye contact or acknowledgement, and call him names. For readers getting ahead of themselves and wondering -- nothing ever happens between Jacob and I, and within the next year-and-a-half, he gets his girlfriend pregnant and then comes out as, yes indeed, a big homo. An out gay father by the time he's in 11th Grade!
Yes, I briefly try the George Clooney-inspired Caesar cut. (You have to ask?) ER is so awesome! (Thankfully, it quickly grows out and I can continue experimenting with hair colors on my longer hair.)
I run for Class President with a smear campaign that calls my opponent an airhead. One particularly brilliant and yet horrifying campaign poster simply has the international symbol for woman -- you know, the one on bathroom doors -- with a question mark hovering over her head. How appalling! I am lead to believe I am forced out of the race by the assistant principal, because of my underhanded tactics. But I'm still forced to give a speech at a school assembly. I am unprepared, fumble with my words, get humiliated, and loose horribly -- and do not learn a single lesson.
The Real World London! The best Real World ever! Jay the playwright! Kat the American fencer, with her flirtation with Neil the punk rocker! Mike the racecar driver! Sharon the fabulous black woman! That girl supermodel! It is amazing! Why aren't you on DVD?!
In order to gain Adam as my "best friend," I start sending myself anonymous "blackmail" letters proclaiming, "I Know!" (To make matters worse, the idea actually came to me from the "Death of Clark Kent" storyline running through the Superman comics at the time.) In my head, the only way to get close to Adam is to pretend my made-up secret diary is stolen and then write threatening letters to myself and to Adam on an old typewriter. These letters reveal a big, bad secret past as a star athlete at my old school, and somehow, this is all connected to this new kid. WHAT THE FUCK? From a real (and quite scary-looking, honestly) letter (sadly, also verbatim):
It was only a matter of time. Did you really think we wouldn't find out? Were you that stupid and naive? No matter how well you try to hide your secrets, no matter how you try to cover your lies, it doesn't matter. It's over. I know and soon so will everybody else. Your secrets, your fantasies, your life, you're through.Secrets? Fantasies? Uh, hello? Gay much? Who the hell am I kidding? The "mystery" runs through my circle of friends and no one ever learns my "secrets" (neither the fake ones, or the real big gay one). Strangely, even though I'm sure they all knew that I was making the whole thing up, none of my friends abandon me. And does the plan work? Because of all this, Adam and I start having lunch at least once a week. And I am the happiest boy in school.
At the same time this is happening, I am also openly crushing on many girls, especially Lisa, a beautiful and ditzy sophomore in my Algebra class.
I'm also in love with Rachel on that Friends show. (My mother, by the way, gets the Rachel haircut.)
As 9th Grade draws to a close, President Clinton visits my town and I am selected by my school to attend a reception for him at the airport. I am allowed to bring once guest. Who is my choice? Not one of my parents, not one of the girls I like. Yes, you guessed it. From my journal (I did keep a real one, not the fake stolen one):
Woah! I shook Bill Clinton's hand! Can you believe it? And that wasn't even the high point of the day!As you can tell, it is my first date. Before we part company for the night, I give Adam my phone number (and not for the first time). Summer vacation approaches and I place the ball in his court.I got to spend about four hours with Adam and had a great time. I would do it again a million times! If things go at least this well with Adam from now on, I'll be happy. Very happy. And, God willing, they can only get better. I just hope things stay on this level or higher for good.
Two days later, he calls. That weekend, with my family away for the weekend, Adam spends the night...
My Songs of '95 (Part One):"I Alone" by Live
"White Lines (Don't Do It)" by Duran Duran
"Bedtime Story" by Madonna
"If I Wanted To" by Melissa Etheridge
"Elsewhere" by Sarah McLachlan Posted by Patrick on 03/ 2/05 at 7:28 AM
Categorized: 90s-Something
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Ah...1995. This was the year I graduated high school and completely flunked my first semester of college. The joys of life.
Going to college, I had cable for the first time, and became totally engrossed with Real World: London. I loved the show so much I told everyone in my dorm that I would apply for the next season...which never happened. I love this season the most because there wasn't all the usual drama. This season pretty much spits in the eye of current reality tv mentality, because the people actually were cordial to each other, and yet it was some of the most compelling reality tv I'll ever see. Screw you Mark Burnett!
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Your 1994 letter to Andrew was painfully familar. I suspect we've all written that letter, using very similar words. I've used similar words in conversations. Sigh.
Posted by Richard on 03/ 2/05 at 6:47 PM03
I love learning about you this way...its so sweet - you should have a boyfriend before you get to 1998..
Corey
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