twenty-something

After twenty-five minutes of cardio, I decided I needed a shower. I had doubled my time on the eliptical (sure, it's girl cardio, but it's still cardio!) from just two weeks before and also doubled my sweat output. Around minute 17, I noticed a small puddle on the floor to the left of me. It was directly under my left arm, about the size silver dollar. While I didn't see it drip off me, and I didn't notice a similiar puddle to my right, I was still mortified by the idea that I was sweating enough to gather a puddle on the floor. I can't prove that it came from me, so I've chosen to believe it wasn't mine.

I wiped said forearm on my shorts, closed my eyes, and pushed through the embarassment listening to some N*E*R*D.

So about a half-hour later, I took my first gang shower in years. As a gay man, I have a lot of baggage when it comes to showering with other men -- it's at the same time terrifying, erotic, and kinda gross. There's all the memories of torment and confusion, horrifying puberty and hot gay porn. The last time I showered regularly with a group of men was high school, and I was still developmentally light years ahead of my peers. I was in good shape, plus I had the biggest dick and the most hair. I was also openly gay and nobody messed with me. I was top dog, and it was amazing. But now? I'm out-of-shape, and who knew how I'd measure up in the hair-and-genital department now?

So yes. I got really worked up heading into my first naked strut around the locker room. I obsessed with my towel situation, the distance from my locker to the shower room, the size of my gut and, yes, what's below it, the possibility of becoming arosed... Suddenly, I was in seventh grade gym class again, about to take my first mandated shower with other boys.

So fuck it. I just stripped, threw the towel over my shoulder, and went for it. And suddenly, the locker room was empty. I don't think I encountered a single person on the way over. And once I got there, there was one old guy in the changing-drying area. Nothing to worry about.

And then, both to my relief and disappointment, I was alone in the shower room. So nervous I brought my towel with me and didn't take off my glasses. The water was hot and the pressure was great. The soap smelled nice. I was quick, and then it was done.

When I came out, there was a former professor, standing naked, drying his hair. And he didn't recognize me. I suddenly realized that I was the youngest and hottest guy naked at the time, and so I did strut back to my locker proudly. And then I got dressed in a flash and got the hell out of there.

I'm very disappointed with how mundane this experience was. But at least I found out I still measure up.