twenty-something

The big news, I suppose, is that on Friday I got a call about that Boston job I applied to. I got a voicemail, actually, but I didn't get to connect with the person who may or may not not have been calling for an interview.

So not only have I had to suffer through the weekend, wondering why she called (and I've analyized the situation from all angles and, come on, she had to be calling for an interview), and convicing myself that I need to pack and find a subletter because I already have the job -- I also just learned that said college in Boston has already decided to close tomorrow (Monday) due to the snow.

Good Grief. Don't these people realize how these things affect me?!

So Friday, the day of the call, was a good day for me, here in Vermont, in my job, aside from the Stella snub. One of the high points of the past year and a half, if you will. And so the timing was a little -- odd. I was excited about this voicemail and the promise it held, but as the night wore on, it all sunk in, and I wondered how I could leave. I have been at this school forever. This is my home.

Yesterday, I got all scared about this potential change. Moving away again... will I hate it? What bridges will I burn? What would my life be like? All that unknown, that brand new start, that had attracted me to apply to this job started to terrify me. I convinced myself that I was leaving, I was going to hate it, and nobody would miss me. (Except my grandmother, who almost cried when I told her the news, because I would be "so far away" -- a whole three hours.)

And then today, I looked through some pictures from last summer's Pub Crawl down there, and it just made me long to be back down there. With my friends. With a life. With lots of gay people. With tall buildings and the Texas Roadhouse. And I sold myself on the idea, and I've resigned myself to a happy medium of "wait and see." No counting of the chickens, no premature good-byes. I'm just opening myself up to the possibility. Let's see where this goes after I get to call them back and talk to them.

On mother-fucking Tuesday.

A lot of emotion over a voicemail and a job I'm far from having. I need to calm down.